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Name That Seventies Horror Film!

May 26th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 6 Comments

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Traumafession:: Reader Clegane on Aguirre, the Wrath of God

May 22nd, 2017 by unkle lancifer · No Comments

Greetings from Ukraine! I’m a long-time lurker of your amazing site and want to tell my little story of Kindertruma and TV. I was eight and was alone at home, I was sick from school, ma was at work, pa went out to the shop and told me not to play with matches, not climb on windowsills, the usual stuff. So I sit and found TV. And found Aguirre, the Wrath of God

I was eight, I didn’t know a thing about what’s happening on screen, but I knew that I see a walking Death himself. I was scared. I forgot how to turn TV off. And there was no one else in the house.So I watched all the movie. All the movie. Until the raft. And then my pa returned. And said the worst thing to top the movie, “This is a real story.”

The second story is much worse. I was ten or eleven and got a children’s book from the library. About how Cortez conquered Mexico. And found a description of Aztec market: pots, clothes, baskets, edible dogs, slaves, red pepper, jade things, human flesh. WHAT?! I reread the paragraph twice. Nope. I threw the book away and looked into the ending of it right away. It was the first part! Aztecs gave Cortes a big battle and he lost. The library didn’t have the second part. I was quite afraid to ask about anything Mexico-related for three weeks.

Thanks for your awesome site again!

Reader Clegane

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Name That Horror Poster!

May 19th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 11 Comments

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Traumafession:: John Shipley on Beyond The Door’s TV Spot

May 18th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 2 Comments

Greetings Kindertrauma friends! I’d like to share some trauma.

When I was child, nearly every piece of horror I came across freaked my shit, whether it was a photo in Cornelius Ryan’s “A Bridge Too Far” or a snippet of Night Gallery caught from behind the couch. And because my parents didn’t let me watch scurry movies — and it was the 1970s — I only caught random sounds and images. Inevitably, they were built up to be much more terrifying than they really are, or ever could be. And nothing — NOTHING — freaked my shit more than the TV ads for “Beyond the Door.” Seeing it now (thanks, YouTube!) it’s easy to see why. And just so you know, I was 8, so those “Exorcist” ads were terrifying, as well, and because it was a prestige picture — and a runaway hit — would show up during tame prime-time fare. But that campaign was subtle — a slamming door, the shaking bed, the candle-flame exploding. But they were teasers, and saved the best stuff for the actual experience of watching the movie. The “Beyond the Door” campaign actually crammed most of the best stuff into 30 seconds: the head 360, the makeup, the devil voice, levitation! Plus, it was Juliet Mills of Nanny and the Professor, with green teeth and yellow eyes. So help me God, she had yellow eyes! It got so bad that I would see her standing there in the baby blue nightgown and immediately plug my ears and cover my eyes and peak at the mayhem from between my fingers. I grew up in the Bay Area but have a friend from Baltimore who has similar Kindertrauma from this one.

John Shipley

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Name That Trauma:: OnlyChild1213 on Missing Faces, Materializing Eyes and a Mad Drug Boss

May 17th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 4 Comments

Hello All, it’s been entirely too long! Follower for – I can barely believe it – SEVEN years now, and I still wear my fantabulous white-with-green-trim Kindertrauma clown t-shirt proudly.

Three quick hits for you today, that have surfaced to haunt me here and there over the years:

1) Episode of what I’ve always thought was Macgyver, but now I’m doubting that, where I think there is an ongoing search for a missing girl, and there’s a painting of the girl and/or multiple photos of the girl that have the face cut out, and the perpetrator has all the missing faces or something.

2) Episode of, I think, the reboot of Outer Limits where there’s a TV that’s off but a set of female eyes and possibly lips that materialize in the dead TV screen.

Hmm… interesting that both of those have a female face or face-parts theme…

And now to completely veer away from that theme…

3) Gangster movie I saw my granddad watching one afternoon in the late eighties or early nineties (he’d sometimes watch a lot of Chuck Bronson and other vintage violent action stuff without enough regard for a little girl hanging around) and I think a drug boss or something was mad at his lackey and forced him to eat like a whole bag of cocaine (more gritty realistic suffering than horror, but still chilled tiny me).

Thanks! I love y’all!!

OnlyChild1213

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Traumafession:: GCG on The Toolbox Murders (1978)

May 16th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 1 Comment

“Will you take me? Take me to your secret world again…”

Watching the original The Toolbox Murders recently, I suddenly realized I had seen this movie already when two kitschy plaques appeared on the wall of doomed masturbator Dee Anne Devore’s apartment. In Old-West-saloon font, one read: “BEER 5¢ a glass.” The other was square and orange, showing Linus sitting with his thumb in his mouth, holding his security blanket, an illegible remark in a word balloon above him. It’s the kind of stuff you find in Salvation Army stores tossed on dusty, half-empty metal shelves. I knew with immediate clarity upon seeing the second plaque that I had secretly rented the film on VHS in 1982 while my parents were away for the weekend. It was in an oversized clamshell case, courtesy of VCI, with the “Bit by bit… by bit, he carved a nightmare!” tagline, the hammer pictograph in place of a capital T in the title, the man in the black balaclava holding a drill, and the terrified woman with recoiling forearms strategically covering the nipples of her bare breasts. Pure sleaze. I have no idea how I rented it at the age of eleven, because the proprietor of that same store had refused to rent Richard Pryor: Live on the Sunset Strip to me another time I was alone in his shop. Safeguarding me from the F-word and honest descriptions of the black experience in America, he decided I could handle the cruelest misogyny in the saddest ‘70s apartment building in Southern California: El Patio del Sequoia (which exists to this day in all its stucco glory as the Saticoy Villa Grande in Canoga Park; the sequoias are now palm trees).

But it was not the nail-gunning of a naked porn star that reminded me I had seen this video nasty, which, by any measure, is a memorable scene, especially backed by George Deaton’s melancholic easy-listening country music from which I quoted the lyric above. No, it was the glimpse of Linus that reminded me, and I knew, too, what the illegible word balloon contained, because I had this same orange plaque on my bookshelf as a child.

Linus says: “I love mankind… It’s people I can’t stand!!”

Oddly enough, this sentiment captures my attitude at 46, but I didn’t feel this way as a child, so I have no idea why a self-fulfilling prophecy was propped to one side of my dog-eared Susan Cooper books back then. But like any bric-a-brac that routinely crosses your field of vision as a child, the image of this plaque remains in the shallowest reach of dormancy, to the extent that the color orange reminds me of this plaque before it reminds me of anything else quintessentially orange: pumpkins, road cones, circus peanuts, Protestants in Northern Ireland.

I also love Linus’s sentiment in the context of The Toolbox Murders, a slight revision of which might represent Vance Kingsley’s Weltanschaaung: “I love my dead daughter… It’s women I can’t stand!!” Kingsley’s dichotomous virgin-whore rampage punishes prostitutes, lesbians, and self-pleasuring bean-twiddlers alike. His equally misogynistic nephew (Wesley Eure from Land of the Lost) even drops the murdered Devore’s dildo vibrator like a severed limb once he realizes what he’s holding. “That’s disgusting!” he says in reference to perhaps the least disgusting thing in this movie.

Watching the film the other night, I didn’t really remember Uncle Vance’s kills (outside of what I could recall reading about them online)—in order: spade drill bit for the middle-aged woman who apparently had a regular dalliance with Kingsley, perhaps in the way of sex work; claw of a hammer and a screwdriver for the thinly coded lesbian couple; and, of course, nail gun for the explicit masturbator. None of the gratuitous nudity and death seemed familiar until that orange plaque appeared. Maybe in my just faintly pubescent oblivion, the rawer moments did not disturb or register as deeply as misanthropic Linus in a field of orange.

What all horror movie aficionados/–das see in their minds’ eyes when they hear or read “Toolbox Murders”—whether they’ve seen the movie or not—is the quickly deteriorating sobriety of Cameron Mitchell’s dumpy figure in a black trench coat and that balaclava with the halo of red and white stripes. Until I saw the film recently (apparently for the second time), I could never distinguish that poster image from an actual viewing experience. To bring this story to an overweening pretentious height, the Linus plaque brought specificity and certainty to my inexact memory, in the same way that Proust suddenly had several thousand pages of personal precision to relate after tasting that madeleine dipped in lime tea. Instead of a life of fin-de-siècle French privilege and aesthetic emotional discernment, I just had a sleazy date with Dennis Donnelly’s cash grab, but it’s more about the trigger’s mechanism than the substance of what was triggered.

I know now what I was forgetting or repressing since the age of 11, and it wasn’t boobs and blood. It was the plain dreariness of settings drawn from everyday life, and there’s nothing more quotidian than El Patio del Sequoia in 1977. People being murdered here is the least of their problems—or I should say: What else could you expect in a place like this?

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Sunday Movie:: Cellar Dweller (1988) (Via Comet TV)

May 14th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 3 Comments

Have you ever spent the better part of a day sobbing uncontrollably while throwing fine china against the wall because the multi-talented JOHN CARL BUECHLER (TROLL) never directed a movie based on a screenplay written by DON (CHILD’S PLAY) MANCINI? Well, stop doing that because such a film does indeed exist and it goes by the name CELLAR DWELLER. It just so happens to be the greatest horror film involving comic books that takes place in an artist colony that features JEFFREY COMBS ever made. I wrote about it way back HERE and I do believe my only major gripe was that the monster was too adorable. Anyway, today is the luckiest day of your entire life because our good pals over at the best TV station ever invented, COMET TV are showing it for free at four, HERE! I think we should ALL watch it but only after we’ve called our moms and wished them a Happy Mother’s Day. Did I mention the ultimate, quintessential horror momma YVONNE DE CARLO is in this movie making it a perfectly fine choice for Mother’s Day? She is! Happy Mother’s Day!

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Name That Trauma:: Ariel K. on Overgrown Brows

May 13th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 6 Comments

HI!

I’m told you may be able to help me…

Do you know the name of this movie? I think it’s a one-word title beginning with “D”. 50’s, 60’s or 70’s b/w. About radioactive waste off the coast somewhere in the British Isles. Possibly sunken in barrels. The people in the village get overgrown brows, and their fingers possibly begin to fuse. Babies born with defects. Some outside agency tries to convince them it’s radiation but they’re too superstitious to believe it? I think? I saw this at age eleven and it’s haunted me since. It’s not “The Giant Behemoth“. Does it sound familiar at all? I developed a habit of brushing my fingers across my brow, just to check that it hadn’t “grown over”. Thirty-six years later, and I still do this.

THANK YOU

UNK SEZ: Hey, I think I know this one! We had it at the video store I worked at and it happened to have a very unusual VHS box with its poster art image going sideways. I do believe you are looking for DOOMWATCH (1972). Check out its wikipedia page HERE and the trailer below and let us know if we got it right. Thanks for writing in (and the great description), Ariel!

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Spot the Difference:: Pieces (1982)

May 12th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · 6 Comments

This puzzle is exactly what you think it is! There are ten differences between the image above (A) and the image below (B). How many can you find?

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Streaming Alert:: Pluto TV

May 10th, 2017 by unkle lancifer · No Comments

The time has come for me to alert you dear people to the wonder that is PLUTO TV! PLUTO TV is an ingenious app you download for free and then all of the sudden you’ve got over 75 TV channels tap dancing for your entertainment. You can put it on your computer, Apple or Roku TV and/or gaming system and it’s like getting free cable and yet it’s totally legit. Of particular interest to Kindertrauma readers is a channel called HORROR 24/7 which shows horror movies around the clock! It’s a cool mix of stellar titles (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS), fun cult flicks ( SUNDOWN: THE VAMPIRE IN RETREAT) and those weird cheap-o titles you’ve never heard of and would never pay to see but don’t mind watching for free.

There’s also a MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 channel and a RIFFTRAX channel in case you’re too tired to ridicule movies yourself and a SHOUT FACTORY channel showing all of their cool fare. There’s even a cartoon channel that sometimes shows TALES FROM THE CRYPTKEEPER! If you are into wrestling then it looks like you are in especially good luck (there’s like, 5 channels devoted to that) and if you are the type who just wants to watch news, weather or even the view from a train gliding through Europe all day, they’ve got you covered on various other channels. In fact, I don’t think I’ve even begun to explore all of the strange, fascinating corners of the PLUTO universe just yet. It’s a lot to take in (as I type this I’m listening to my newest discovery, their irresistible 80’s radio station).

If you’re somebody who doesn’t have or want cable, this is a godsend. I know these days people are used to being able to choose what and when to watch at all times but as somebody who can sometimes be cripplingly indecisive, I kind of like just checking out what happens to be on and discovering things I’d never pick out for myself (just like in the old UHF days). I get the sense that PLUTO TV is just getting started (they just signed a licensing deal with LIONSGATE, MGM and WARNER BROS. so expect even more top drawer titles soon) but as for now it’s more than worthy of your attention for the awesome HORROR 24/7 channel alone. Check PLUTO TV out HERE!

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